Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
