handjob tips. give me some.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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