I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
