You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize