then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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