stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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