WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
