just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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