listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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