she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
