We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
