Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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