the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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