we have officially lost it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
