My liver just broke up with me...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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