i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
