3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
