i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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