Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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