you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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