Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
