I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
