Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can you bring me the toilet please
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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