we're blogging at a bar
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
