Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
