I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
