I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This baby is an asshole
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize