I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
