next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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