Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
