she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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