It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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