I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
