She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
