Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
