He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
