My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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