There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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