haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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