He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
