Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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