Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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