i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
