Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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