Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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