No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
