Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
