I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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