i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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