they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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