P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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