I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You are the jesus of drinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
