he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
