he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
