You're my little dorito
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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