Cold hands, warm shart.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize