"it" just moved
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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