just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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