Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
