theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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