I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
