Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
