i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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