Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
