I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
