i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
