STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
