If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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