Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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