Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
